


dizzy on the comedown

by maerose



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-27
Updated: 2019-03-27
Packaged: 2019-12-25 08:41:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18257753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maerose/pseuds/maerose
Summary: coda to 1x10“I’m sorry.”Michael tries to push past the emotion rising up in his throat, but knows he’s failing. He’s falling, all over again. He never really stopped.Forcing himself to focus on the corner of Alex’s eyes, counting and following every single flutter, he admits, “I just never really had a home, Alex.”





	dizzy on the comedown

Here’s what Michael knows; and this is what he remembers.

He remembers the feel of the dented up lawn chair beneath his skin, the rusted patches in between the slicker white frame. The way he had almost carelessly rested his fingers against the arm rests while he explained everything to Alex (his heart skipping a beat with every secret revealed). A voice that had sounded suspiciously familiar, whispering inside his head. “ _Well I knew what you were and I came here anyway, Guerin. No more secrets now._ ”

He remembers the myriad of expressions that had passed over Alex’ face, from betrayal at the necklace, to steely resolve while he held his ground. To that damn furrowed brow, puckered up in concentration while he listened.

He remembers the soft statements that sounded almost too good to be true.  
_I want to know who you are, Guerin._  
_I want to know about you._

And he remembers how Alex had taken it all in with a sort of hesitant curiosity and wonder. How he hadn’t freaked out until the moment Michael had talked about leaving. How it had all become too much for him then. He’d retreated, never turning his back until he absolutely had to, but never quite looking him in the eye while he stumbled through his excuses.

Michael had been so obsessed with leaving since he was a kid, at a time in his life where no one really cared if he stayed or if he went. This unreachable idea of a home he had never known had called to him every single night, through the millions of stars that dotted the ink black sky. From the very first piece he had recovered, through the immeasurable joy that coursed through him when the first two joined together, he had continued to search, to find, to build. To cover it up and hide it even from Max en Isobel.

Even in those precious few moments when he and Alex had only been kids - _those moments worth fighting for_ \- and the way his whole being had felt completed, finally, he had never dared to stop planning his escape. For fear the rug would be swept from under his feet. And it _had_ , in the sickening crunch of his bones beneath a hammer, in the startled look on Isobel’s face when she discovered Rosa’s body beside her on the ground. In the moment when he’d found out Alex was shipping off to war.

-

When he resurfaces fifteen minutes later, he doesn’t expect Alex’s car to still be there, nor for him to sit behind the wheel, resting his wrists against the leather.

Michael approaches, cautiously, afraid that every small crunch of his boots against the ground will be the trigger for the key to turn and the engine to roar to life - with, or without the supposed rattle. Alex doesn’t seem to register his movement, only blinking back to life the minute he sits down in the passenger seat and closes the door behind him.

“You know,” he starts, “out of all the things that I learned over the last couple of weeks, that was the hardest to hear.”

“I’m sorry.” Michael tries to push past the emotion rising up in his throat, but knows he’s failing. He’s _falling_ , all over again. He never really stopped. Forcing himself to focus on the corner of Alex’s eyes, counting and following every single flutter, he admits, “I just never really had a home, Alex.”

For some reason, that causes a reaction. _I want to know about you._ It only takes a split second before the corners of his eyes become the deep brown depths that Michael’s looked into so many times. “A wise person once told me that home can be a person.”

It’s too much. “You asking me to stay?”

But he’s not. He won’t.

Alex shakes his head, averts his eyes again. They land on the telescope next to the trailer, pointing up at the sky. “I’m… I don’t…”

Michael can almost hear the gears turning in his mind, flashing through images of the stars, and memories of the two of them in the back of Michael’s truck, looking up at them when they weren’t too busy being wrapped up in each other.

He swallows. Breathes hard. Keeps himself from reaching out. “Listen, I meant everything I said.” His eyes are soft and kind and forgiving and it nearly breaks Michael to pieces. “I want to know who you are, and talk.” He smiles, and it’s filled with a little sadness. “I want you to be happy, Michael.”

The smile is mirrored, echoed, the two broken pieces making a whole. “You know, I think that might be the first time you’ve actually said my name.”

Alex barks out a laugh, then sobers up and reaches over to give him a chaste kiss that is packed with meaning. He rests his forehead against Michael’s and their eyes slip closed. Michael swears he sees warm colors dance against his eyelids, pushing against them and chasing away the dark.

“The idea of you not being here…” Alex breathes shakily, “it’s just hard.”

He can’t do anything but nod. yeah.

“But we still have a lot of things to talk about.” Alex says. “And time. Right?”  
Michael allows himself to believe he sounds hopeful.

“Right. I’ll uh - you really don’t want to stay?” There _is_ a storm coming, after all. Better they face it together.

He stays. They head back to the trailer and just sit together, sides touching while they drink their lukewarm beers and talk. And when the weather turns rough and Michael covers a sleepy Alex with a warm blanket, he allows himself to consider it. That home could be a person.

That home could be right here.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so this is my first time writing for this fandom -- and tbh the first thing I've written in YEARS but this scene was just so...you know? And I had to fix it. My bbs. 
> 
> Please be kind.  
> Love an alien.  
> :)


End file.
